Engaged! (Well not entirely officially but whatever)

Last Friday night after going out to Shannon's Irish Pub (fun little place, but with an older crowd... they had strongbow on tap though so I was happy) with a bunch of coworkers and friends to hang out, Zak drove me home. (He hates it whenever I drive after drinking any amount of alcohol). Zak and I got into a heated discussion in the car over the subject of what I want with my life. What I want. Not what my mom wants, not what my dad wants, not what Zak, my friends, my coworkers, or the world wants, but what I want. Of course I start crying.

I honestly have no idea what I want. All I know is that I want Zak for the rest of my life by my side. I want my family to be happy, and hopefully at least a little proud of me and my decisions. I want to finish school at some point. I don't want to get married when I'm 21. I want to live with Allison for at least a year. I want to move to Colorado when Zak is out of the Navy. I don't want Zak to go off on deployment for any length of time but at the same time I do since I am so proud of him serving our country.

But then the questions start.

Why don't I want Zak to live with me now?
   My mom and dad would not be proud of that. I don't want to move in with him until I am engaged. Which will be soon.

Why don't I want to get married when I'm 21, when I could be happy marrying Zak tomorrow in Vegas?
     1)     I want my parents and his parents there when we get married. I want to wear a white dress. If those 2 things are involoved then I could marry him tomorrow. However, my parents at least will not be happy going to my wedding tomorrow in vegas with a random white dress that I bought at Kohl's, and honestly I would not be happy either.
     2)     Meaghan and Jon. Married when she was 20, he was 21... they are not happy now, not even a year later. The rumor was that she was considering a divorce. Not that I'm saying that I see Zak and I having major problems or getting divorced, I don't. I'm just scared out of my mind marrying young when I see so many of those marriages not working out. I would rather wait another year... which doesn't really make much sense but in my mind with nothing to back it up, it makes perfect sense.
     3)     I'm so scared. I love Zak with my whole mind, spirit, and body. I'm just scared. He is too, but what I love about Zak is that he can be impulsive most of the time and sometimes just decides that he wants to marry me tomorrow and is ready to jump in not thinking of the consequences And I love that we are different in that way. However, I'm only sometimes impulsive, and on big decisions like this I am not impulsive at all.

And so many more questions that I don't even have answers for.


After this discussion, we had already made it to his place by the end of it. He held me in his arms until I finally stopped crying. Then he said those magic words, "I'm not waiting until you decide you're finally read anymore. Will you marry me?" and I said yes. Of course, he still has to talk to my dad when he gets home at the end of the month and he's going to get me a ring eventually but I'm not worried. To us, and everyone I've told already, we're engaged and happy. Almost giddy. I love him so much.



I love you Zak. You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Love me, xoxo

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Shannon's Pub

Shannons Irish Pub: Julington Creek now has their own Family Pub and restaurant. Situated at the corner of San Jose and Race Track road, behind the Gate Station.